Y’know, I’ve been with Lachlan for a year now but it feels like we’ve been married for decades, honestly. After 19 years of singleness, I managed, on my birthday last year, to finally find someone for myself. From there, things don’t go perfectly, but they went well enough. What’s curious is not that our relationship worked out; we may not be “made for each other” but there’s such a clear compatibility between us that makes the whole thing feel very natural. What’s interesting is the way it’s affected my mentality. To be blunt, when I tell her that “I can’t imagine life without [her]”, I’m not exaggerating. My memories themselves feel as if they’ve undergone some sort of fundamental shift and frankly, I’m all here for it.
Human beings are, of course, social animals and I think it’s fair to say that the vast majority of us need social interaction of some kind. I’ve lived my entire life with other people; my family for the first 19 years and then Lachlan for the last 7 months or so. As people, we’re obviously shaped by those around us and living with another person will almost necessarily cause an alteration in how you think about things. Think of it like a change in material conditions: going from being a worker to being a capitalist would necessitate a change in lifestyle and while any given relationship may not have that level of power, a romantic one certainly would.
But it’s not all that interesting to say “I think about Lachlan every day” or something. It’s true, but it’s obvious and doesn’t lead anywhere. What I think is far more fascinating is the fact that when I think back on the past, it feels like I’ve always lived with her. My habits have become interconnected with hers, codependent in the healthiest of ways. I help ensure that she’s able to get work done with her poor attention span. She ensures I have the emotional support to deal with building an online content creation portfolio while also attending school. We both help each other cook. Things like that.
But strangely, this feels as if it’s always been the case. I look back at my life 8 months ago and ask: was that really me? Did I really have a time in my life where she wasn’t alongside me? The answer is yes, of course, but it’s still something I have to ask. She has so irrevocably changed me that I fail to see how I could’ve existed as I did prior to her entrance.
And that’s really cool. Now, I’ve never been romantically involved with anyone else, so I’m absolutely speculating here and I could be totally incorrect. But it feels to me as if any old romantic relationship would not necessarily cause this effect. Of course, that doesn’t ensure its continued success but it feels to me as if a relationship would need to be particularly intimate in order to cause this sort of change in a person’s mental perception. When I call Lachlan my soulmate, I mean that not only in the sense that we feel meant for each other but in the sense that she has changed my soul, my very being. Again, all relationships between change the participants to some degree, but this kind of all-encompassing change that maintains a clear continuity in character is pretty cool, I think. That’s it.
Anyway, today’s my birthday once again and I’ve now been dating her(it feels strange to call it “dating” when we live together and might as well be married, but y’know) for a whole year now. I’m incredibly happy to have her and can’t believe it’s been an entire calendar’s time, even with my previous comments about how it feels eternal. Weird, that.
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